"Sitting still and do nothing" (i.e., meditation) for 25 to 40 minutes a day helps me to re-charge. It helps me practice 'awareness', and enable me to take 'precaution' or 'preempt' it to prevent it from affecting me. I had a few challenges last few days and dealing with them helped me gain new insights into what other effect 'meditation' could have.
Last Friday was one of those few days that I worked till quite late in my office. It was until about 7.30 pm that I left my office, after realising all my days' hard work to install CPLEX on the Linux OS still didn't work out quite well. It certainly didn't feel like a productive day. That night, I still tried and do a bit of meditation, though it was cut short to only 10 minutes, since it was late and I don't like to have my dinner too late. Anyway, I didn't feel my level of concentration was good, though it didn't affect me to large extent, I kind of feel 'something not right' throughout my meditation
On Saturday, i.e., the following day, I still felt I could 'do better' in term of the focus of my mind. Saturday should not be considered as a 'bad' day because I was getting on with my other research and it actually made progress. In addition, the weather was good. Saturday was a bright sunny day, and the more I should feel 'brighten up', but I didn't. After some reflections, I conclude that I was perhaps still held 'in the past' on my Friday's work commitment to the software installation, which failed. I was 'held back' to the extent I still hung myself in that and not moving, though not necessarily mean I would be stressed up. It is just that I had not 'let go' of it. My mind was as if in a 'stagnant' state. Other than that, constantly replying and looking out for students' emails during this period, arising from the examination, also put me off thinking in term of 'living the present moment'. This was because I was at times shocked and angry with students' excessive demand of what they want from me. And that didn't help.
As I began to see what's holding me back, I began to see that I should learn to 'let it go'. I guess I missed out one important step when dealing with myself over the matter, and that is 'acceptance'. My theory is that, due to the lack of 'awareness', I failed to see 'what's missing' and acknowledgement and acceptance were being pushed out of the way. As I began to "see" this in my meditation today, I then slowly channel my thoughts and focus onto the present moment. For example, feeling the joys (at least inner joy) of the good weather and involvement of housework routine, which are all good experiences. I learnt that if my head is occupied with something, I would immediately lose touch with my surrounding, and is even harder when I subconsciously occupied with things that was not to my knowledge. Therefore, constant reflection in daily life does serve some good purpose. And this has worked well for me today! :D
