The last weekend

"How much is the price of jealousy....."

I just finished watching ITV's 3-part drama, "The Last Weekend" by Blake Morrison. I had read the novel and obviously not knowing who Mr Blake was prior to that and then realized some of his novels were made into TV drama. "The Last Weekend" is classified as a psychological thriller. These days, whenever you see 'thriller' as a genre in book or in movie, it normally cannot get away dealing with death, fight or killing. Indeed, the story involved all that.

"The Last Weekend" is set in a rather nice gathering of two couples in a country-house over a bank holiday weekend. It brought out the characters of Ian and Ollie, where their "rivalry" slowly uncovered, which dated back to their school's days. Some reviews of Blake Morrison's novel have been about his clever design on the use of an unreliable narrator to connect and tell the story to the reader. Traditionally, it is in the habit of the reader to believe whatever the narrator said and the messages he tried to convey, but not for this one. In the novel, Ian is the unreliable narrator. You slowly realised, some of the events were not as what it seemed on the surface and certainly Ian himself is the source of the problem, rather than others where he put the blame on. The drama put the setting in the same place, in a rather unusual style, it also continues with Ian as the narrator, connecting the events and the storyline. At times, it felt like a docu-drama, but later it began to make sense towards the end, in that, he is all the while in his own defend of what happened subsequently to Ollie and his wife.

Ian might appear like a nutter, but I have sympathy for him. The reader and the audience won't be able to know how much of the events and the people he described are truly the way they are, because they were all seen through his eyes and he could be biased. Even so, it is clear that he was still very much in love with Ollie's wife, Daisy, in which he claimed he had known her first before Ollie. In the story, we can also see Ian and his Emily are both of a lower social class than Ollie and Daisy. It is interesting and not sure if this is the idea that the author is trying to convey that much of the 'jealosy' of Ian about Ollie is due to these two reasons. To be fair, being human, we are able to feel either envious or jealous about people. It's how we deal with it that matters. The story built on Ian's jealousy of Ollie as the main storyline. His obsession with Daisy as another. The weekend, which is the last the two couples spent together, is where Ian's jealousy grew to the utmost and leads to undesirable consequence which in the end, lose him Ollie, Daisy and his wife, Emily.

Taking a step back, if we were to 'simulate' the lifestyle of Ian. This means, taking a different look at Ian and his likely lifestyle. Ian could be quite a decent bloke. It is only his 'darkside' that needs managing. If I were Ian, I would be more aware of that and I would move away from it because I know that won't be nice and would affect people. This means I will see less of Ollie and his wife or try not getting 'too involved'. Yes, it will be hard on the friendship, but we do made choices in life, don't we? I often like to see the way forward as best as possible. If any drama or novel that could be "educational" as well as "entertaining", it would serve useful purpose. The novel, being a novel, seems to have portrayed other characters to be "overly nice". But in real life, they need not be because some inappropriate sexual gesture of Ian on Daisy, which started off quite early on, should have been violently stopped, but it didn't. Therefore, perhaps the story is also helping the readers/audiences to be aware about people like that around, and to avoid them as much as possible.This may be a minor point, but I still think is important.

Sex Addicts in Shame!

"... there was an air of persistent unspoken sadness...."

"Shame" is strictly a tragic movie. It is about a man and his sister who seemingly suffer from obsession with sex, or sometimes what people termed as "sex addiction".Michael Fassbender, who played the lead role gives a convincing performance portraying someone with an obsession for sex.

"Shame" touched on the rather taboo topic (perhaps not now, where you can easily find people talk about it, just search on Google, wherever you are, you find loads of discussions). One cannot, of course, not mentioned about how the sex scenes are played out. The excellent skills and editing of the director successfully describe what went on in the mind of a potential sex addict. The opening scene of Brandon (played by Michael Fassbender) watching a stranger in the crowded underground, with the eye-contact passing subtle messages was well captured and conveyed, leading to further pursue that was unsuccessful, portrayed the darkest desire for sexual needs in the most impossible place.

The film focused on the present moment, going great length to describe the life of sex addict without touching on the past too much (it was known in the movie that Brandon and his sister where left damaged by their childhood, which was never completely revealed in the movie), and yet not letting viewers finding this incomplete, because you do find there were moments of humanity where the characters were brought back to their pasts and they respond to it. You don't know what's in the past, but you can see they are affected by it. It was all very intense and moving. Some sex scenes were hard to watch simply because they were just illustrations of obsessions. Putting aside the nakedness and explicit exposure of the scenes, it was the facial expressions that said it all. You can see these were all very enforced and struggle within were written all over the face. There was also an air of persistent unspoken sadness in the atmosphere throughout the movie.The beautiful background soundtrack (by Harry Escott) also successfully enhanced the atmospheric effect.

Michael Fassbender was good in the movie because he skilfully uses body language, eye-contact and facial expressions to convey messages. It was the visit of his sister, Sissy, played by Carey Mulligan that interrupted his routine of pursue with sexual obsession, which then leads to the uncover of this rather abnormal desire in front of the viewers and eventually brought him to some degrees of awareness (I won't give it away how all this happen).

The last scene was classic. It brought the viewers back to how it gets started, the crowded underground again. This time, a stranger sensing Brandon to be "a potential", stood up from her seat, sensually hold on to the bar waiting for Brandon to do the same, but this time, Brandon just sat there, stared at her blankly. It could be the start of Brandon being aware of the problem he faced, his darkside or it could be Brandon simply "playing game". I like to think it is the former because that scene reminded me what I wrote the other day about the darkside, i.e., Acknowledging the darkside, not fighting and evoking it, but gently guiding it with awareness. Maybe that way, it felt more hopeful

The effect of the darkside 3 (The end)

" Walking with the darkside, that is within you..."

Ever since I wrote about my "darkside", I have been through some reflections because I felt a bit "disturbed" (perhaps I like a bit of challenge?). It has helped me gain my resistance back. It helped me to become "strong" again. Actually I read an article after written that "darkside", It is from a website that talk about "acknowledging the dark side of human nature". Something written on the site appeals to me (though I don't buy into 100% what the site wrote about. I much prefer to find my own path and build my knowledge base). It says, "The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. Everything has a shadow side. If you don’t see the shadow of a person, you don’t see the person and are blinded by idealisation. If you don’t see your own shadow, you are in denial, and will project your shadow onto others." Let me break that statement down into few parts and see if it make sense to you.

"If you don’t see the shadow of a person, you don’t see the person and are blinded by idealisation" How true that is! How often do we find a "certain mystery" in a person that seems "unexplainable" and how many times did you feel you are distant with the person, and no wonder best friends are sometimes those who know your darkest side (for example, secrets) and accepted them and still treated you as a good friend. Idealisation is similar to a state of perfection. What shows on the surface could therefore be potentially misleading.

"If you don’t see your own shadow, you are in denial, and will project your shadow onto others." There is no need to dig others' darksides, it is, however, important for one to be aware and to admit there is one within us. Denying that, you may subconsciously impose upon others, with consequences that may be undesirable. I supposed I had done that based on my encounter with the speaker the other day.

When I was little about 8 or 9 year old, I think. I remembered one early morning about 5 or 6 am. I went jogging all by myself on a quiet route all in total darkness with no street lighting. I told my uncle after that what I did. He was impressed, thinking I will "go far!. I am not sure  if I had gone far by now, but I am certain that experience at the time, really made me face my fear, and battle with it and then overcome it. Perhaps I have an emotionally "self-inflicting" personality, but I suppose I like to challenge my darkside. It is within me, but I want to walk with it. I gave myself opportunity to fight it, but now i know something. Acknowledging the darkside, not fighting and evoking it, but gently guiding it with awareness, should be the key. With that, I finished my three parts post on the darkside.

The effect of the darkside 2

Do you have a darkside?
Yes, I do and It only emerged yesterday.

What was that darkside about?
We had a speaker yesterday in the School. That academic happened to be a former student from Aberdeen, whom I found to be a bit pushy and clingy when she was trying to do her PhD. However, she was also very good in getting things her way and get it done in the end, which explain why in the end she funded herself and finished the PhD and get to where she is today.She remains my "darkside" due to those moments where she becomes "clingy" and "pushy" which didn't quite affect me at the time, but it could get worst. She was introduced by other colleagues to give a seminar here. She appears likable, but not someone I like to get any closer.

How do you get over that "darkside"
Well, I didn't deliberately want it to go away. That thought just lingered on in my head. I just didn't feel comfortable seeing her presence around, just a feeling that I don't want to relate to her in any way. Being a host, she was brought around to see our colleagues for friendly introduction. She did came to my office and had a chat. All that we chat about was whatever that happened at Aberdeen. A  bit of a gossipping, which I found fun at times, but not a lot. She did most of the talking, so I just listened. She appeared to be a bit self-pitying over her experience at Aberdeen, and think I may feel the same, but i was not. However, she still not the person I want to relate to too much. At some points in the chat, she was saying about her external examiner for her PhD, mentioned the name, which I  knew already and she said she was working on a paper with him. I said to her, yes good, work with famous people, and I added, perhaps you know this already. Then she went on to say about how nice some of the elderly colleagues, how fatherly they are, etc. On our way out of the office, she was saying about keeping in touch and link and network, which honestly I was not too keen. And she said perhaps I could go to her university to give a paper or something, which I immediately replied I need to write paper, giving her two messages, either I am not free for these meaningless activity or I don't have anything yet to make presentation. Just let her decide which one she want to believe. So in the end, I just deal with the "darkside" naturally, when times come for me to do something, I will do it and hit the right time to "send messages", I will do it.

Are there other darksides?
Yes I do. Those hidden darksides accumulated as you grow older. You met people, you interacted with people, you formed relationship with people, conflicts, communication gaps, misunderstandings all lead you to act or react with unexpected or undesirable consequences. At times, it became too hard to explain or sort it out and when moving forward is the only option, these past experiences spillover to your future encounters in similar fashions. You may be "older" and "wiser", but value judgement could always be biased by the emergence of the darksides. It's the living in the now that matters. It does not mean there won't be any struggle, still it is worth it and It adds meaning to your life

If one has so many issues or darksides, especially if it is dealing with people, how would one ever settle down properly in a relationship or friendship.
Yes, it is hard. Such darksides make you cast doubts with people, I supposed. At times, it becomes even harder when you dealt with them online (people you not seen before or not seen for a while), when you didn't see the facial expression when they type the messages, where, saying one things and meaning another could be likely and may confuse people. The effects of doubts of people on relationship was very well demonstrated in As good as it gets, a  movie which I had written a review. I guess what's different in reality is that, some people become single for the rest of their life due to that. It might not be as bad as it seems. This seems like  seeing the light at "the other" end of the tunnel, but not those in a close relationship (which of course I give my full blessing) could understand.

The effect of the darkside 1

 "... perhaps it's time to seek helps.."

I finally finished watching unriddle 2 (最火搭档II), a Singaporean 20-episode psychological and crime thriller. This is one of the best Singapore-produced dramas I had seen in recent years. It precisely integrated the darkside of human nature into the crime story, even the cops themselves must also deal with their own demon in order to solve mysterious murders. I love the plot simply because it built upon one after another following the death of victims, from one to the next. The 20 episode consists of three different murders all under the plan of the same mastermind. I like the sequence of the events that took place, without giving too much away and then hold the appetite of the viewers, who definitely would want to keep following the story.

There were murderers, rapists, pimp and other "underground" characters in the drama. But, you found they lived "normal" life. Therefore, a rapist could go shopping. Raped victims could face up, be strategic and plan their moves to seek revenge. Being a primp does not necessarily you would be a bad person, you can be kind-hearted too. It seems people we see day in day out, strangers waiting for traffic light or colleagues in the workplace could have their own darkside, their demon to face every minute and second, yet on the surface, they can look so normal. The believability of the characters in the drama is another appeal.

It seems the ways some of the victims dealt with their darkside often leads them to their own death, which is quite sad. There were a brother and his sister both borne to a family of kidnappers in the drama. And they were tortured since young, including raped and beating, very disturbing and even more so when the sister was deaf and mute. This was definitely hard to bear in real life, and supposed this is so, how would one face that. I guess one would either learn to hate or learn to love, as one grew up. The brother often related their present experiences to  their past life and claimed it is a punishment for them by the way they were treated by the parent. True to some extent, but it could not lead to killings of the parent in the end. I can only say it is the emergence of the darksde that took them over, but also the survival instinct. It is, of course, a bit of a dramatisation, but it could also be possible in reality.

How should we deal with our darkside then? I guess the key is to live in the now, a rather cliche way of putting it, but effective one. I love the lead role hu xiaoman, played by Rui En (瑞恩), a cop who was very much disturbed by her problematic father, which often mixed with hatred and anger, leading to her overly reacted to suspects and leading to some deaths among some of them. She showed the struggle to strike a balance between living in the now and the past (i.e., the psychological time) and at times confused her judgements and end up making the wrong decision and causing the death of the suspects. We should be aware about how our darkside could affect us and others that lived with us. I guess if we could not get rid of it and it hocked on us emotionally, then we are being dragged to the past that stucked us in a vicious circles. Then, perhaps that's the time to seek some professional help.