I think the relatively introvert or extrovert personalities could be nurtured. However, I guess there is a base for everyone, which then broadly defines one's extent of introversion or extroversion. The environmental factors then force one to act either inwardly or outwardly, and hence deepened or reinforced the existing effects. Then you may become more extrovert or more introvert. For me, I think I tend to be more introvert than extrovert.
How does that introversion developed over the year?
It all began in the family since young (and then perhaps that extend out later to social situation with friends at school, etc). The environment had a big impact on me. One distinctively different feature about an introvert is that, they "think then act or speak". I guess for me, I may have thought too deeply and too much, and I just could not speak or act appropriately, because those inputs that enter my thinking system confused me. For example, since young I have always confused why my mom kept asking me to ask my dad to give up his bad habits of drinking and gambling, because if that is the case, why my mom wanted to marry my father and what made her think that if she can't do that, me as a kid (8 or 9 year old then) would be able to do so. Family is an interesting situation to observe group dynamics and people interaction. I had tried playing roles of all and failed all of them, perhaps I had thought too much and hence often end up "acting" at the wrong time. In particular, I was not good at managing others' people anger. When two people fight, I found it so powerless to turn them around. My mom was angry with my dad because of his problem and my second brother always became angry after my mom was angry with my dad, because my second brother was sympathetic about my mom. I only had gently told him once, "don't get angry when mom is angry". I still didn't think he get it. Anyway, that's quite a typical introvert of me, think a lot, and then act or speak at the wrong time and perhaps using incorrect strategy.
If being introvert means "you think a lot", and looks like the family was quite a mess, were you depressed at all?
Now I think of it. It's true to some degrees that "thinking a lot" HURTS! This is because you didn't get a chance to let it out and you become so self-absorbed. One weakness of being an introvert is the inability to clear up conflict, given the bad experience with people who are mostly angry, it freak me even more thinking about clearing up conflict. I, however, don't think I was clinically depressed. I found a world of my own when I started to write. I picked up writing a diary at the age of 13. I found a place to express myself. I found an outlet. At times, I do found I was depressed but I soon "bound back". Being an introvert also helps me here because it helped me "detach" and learnt not to take things too hard or personally. This is because as I take a step back, I move back even more to be an introvert, and I began to feel a sense of peace and hence prevented me to be further affected by other people's (other family members) negative emotions. The fact I started to write diary helps me in a big way and give space to my thinking capacity and spaces. I don't think it is a strength issue that I am able to cope this, rather it is a coping technique (therefore this can be LEARNED, rather than STRENGTH which is like underlying in the personalities). Precaution is better than cure and that is why despite having a rather crowded mind at times, I never feel I was depressed or mentally ill at all.
Given a choice, do you like to be more of an introvert or extrovert?
I actually quite envy being an extrovert. They seem so fearless. I can easily spot a couple of colleagues who are of this type personalities and observing the way they talk and behave at meeting, I wish I could have some of their qualities. They are also often so fast, sharp and alert to react, and never fail to impress and with an air of effortlessness. While these are all true, but who knows yourselves better than you do. Over the years, as you learnt more about your weakness, strength. What you see and envied in others that are so-called extrovert qualities no longer becomes important. You accepted the ways you are and you are okay with it because you can equally achieve what the extrovert can achieve, with only just a little different in the impact and it does not matter because it is all about YOU. Therefore, I would be happy to be either, introvert or extrovert as both have their strengths. It is how to exploit them to bring out the BEST to serve your purpose in life.
0 comments:
Post a Comment