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The last weekend

Sunday, September 02, 2012

"How much is the price of jealousy....."

I just finished watching ITV's 3-part drama, "The Last Weekend" by Blake Morrison. I had read the novel and obviously not knowing who Mr Blake was prior to that and then realized some of his novels were made into TV drama. "The Last Weekend" is classified as a psychological thriller. These days, whenever you see 'thriller' as a genre in book or in movie, it normally cannot get away dealing with death, fight or killing. Indeed, the story involved all that.

"The Last Weekend" is set in a rather nice gathering of two couples in a country-house over a bank holiday weekend. It brought out the characters of Ian and Ollie, where their "rivalry" slowly uncovered, which dated back to their school's days. Some reviews of Blake Morrison's novel have been about his clever design on the use of an unreliable narrator to connect and tell the story to the reader. Traditionally, it is in the habit of the reader to believe whatever the narrator said and the messages he tried to convey, but not for this one. In the novel, Ian is the unreliable narrator. You slowly realised, some of the events were not as what it seemed on the surface and certainly Ian himself is the source of the problem, rather than others where he put the blame on. The drama put the setting in the same place, in a rather unusual style, it also continues with Ian as the narrator, connecting the events and the storyline. At times, it felt like a docu-drama, but later it began to make sense towards the end, in that, he is all the while in his own defend of what happened subsequently to Ollie and his wife.

Ian might appear like a nutter, but I have sympathy for him. The reader and the audience won't be able to know how much of the events and the people he described are truly the way they are, because they were all seen through his eyes and he could be biased. Even so, it is clear that he was still very much in love with Ollie's wife, Daisy, in which he claimed he had known her first before Ollie. In the story, we can also see Ian and his Emily are both of a lower social class than Ollie and Daisy. It is interesting and not sure if this is the idea that the author is trying to convey that much of the 'jealosy' of Ian about Ollie is due to these two reasons. To be fair, being human, we are able to feel either envious or jealous about people. It's how we deal with it that matters. The story built on Ian's jealousy of Ollie as the main storyline. His obsession with Daisy as another. The weekend, which is the last the two couples spent together, is where Ian's jealousy grew to the utmost and leads to undesirable consequence which in the end, lose him Ollie, Daisy and his wife, Emily.

Taking a step back, if we were to 'simulate' the lifestyle of Ian. This means, taking a different look at Ian and his likely lifestyle. Ian could be quite a decent bloke. It is only his 'darkside' that needs managing. If I were Ian, I would be more aware of that and I would move away from it because I know that won't be nice and would affect people. This means I will see less of Ollie and his wife or try not getting 'too involved'. Yes, it will be hard on the friendship, but we do made choices in life, don't we? I often like to see the way forward as best as possible. If any drama or novel that could be "educational" as well as "entertaining", it would serve useful purpose. The novel, being a novel, seems to have portrayed other characters to be "overly nice". But in real life, they need not be because some inappropriate sexual gesture of Ian on Daisy, which started off quite early on, should have been violently stopped, but it didn't. Therefore, perhaps the story is also helping the readers/audiences to be aware about people like that around, and to avoid them as much as possible.This may be a minor point, but I still think is important.
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Deep, Deeper and Deeper Still

Saturday, September 01, 2012

 ".. Meditation slows down your thoughts..."

Not all admit that we do have a 'darkside' in us. I would have thought this should not affect anyone too much. It is only the 'quality' of life that would have an impact. It's whether we want to face it.

Since buying the desktop PC, some traces of thoughts seem to have left in my head, and keep holding me back to re-evaluate this purchase decision. It probably related to the issue of 'value' of the product underlying the price, etc. It's in my sub-consciousness to the extent I cannot get rid of. This purchase experience leads me to believe that what I perceived before and after about my purchase decision should remain consistent. This purchase experience has also helped me understand myself more. I don't want life to be too complicated, that includes technology, which may explain my phobia towards it. Perhaps contentment is built on having things 'just about right', and not being overly 'obsessive', that way we remain as 'ourselves' rather than 'losing' it. Perhaps I just lost myself in my pursue of the 'quality' of PC I was after, which could end up me looking for something more than I need and then overpaid it. This is perhaps someone who prefer or promote a 'minimalist' style of life should avoid? The purchase of this PC gives new insights about my desire on other possible things in my life I am after, and should help with managing expectation in the future.

I want to end my 'attachment' to the thought of this Desktop PC, but how best should I end such thoughts (wasteful thoughts, perhaps?). Today I found an answer. I attended the BK meditation workshop on 'Deep, Deeper and Deeper Still". It discussed few aspects of meditation to help deepen the experience. Some rather insightful messages were conveyed. I especially related to the idea on "acceptance, experience and being' as the three levels of sub-conscious minds likely to take place in us in our daily life. Using the Desktop PC as an example, then I suppose I have now accepted that I perhaps might have overlooked the issue of "quality" in the purchasing process, which should then be something I must remember next time if I were to make similar decision. It reminded me each time my mind rehearse the few events where I had experienced that when thinking to buy the Desktop PC. Now as I began to accept this, it becomes part of me. It is being part of me.

As I dwelt on this a bit deeper, I would imagine meditation could have helped in the process. Meditation slows things down. My buying decision was urgent because my then laptop was broken and I wanted to get a new one quickly. It is true that I can afford to buy it, but still coming to the issue of 'value', now that I think of it, it still needs some consideration. Now that this has happened, I could not turn back the clock, but I should look at the positive side of the Desktop PC. My sub-conscious mind needs to get rid of the 'negative' thinking attached to the PC. Just like what was said during the workshop, "A glass of water, no matter how light, is not the weight, but how long you hold on to it that matters". Indeed, our energy needs to be channelled in the best possible way to help us to feel light and free anytime, in order for us to fight the our inner 'demon'.