Quality of life?

 "perhaps whatever that helps you to plan?"

Recently in Singapore, the government tried out a new way to ease crowds during peak hours for its MRT (underground) network. by granting free access to the network, for those travelling before 7.45 am on the weekday, and not applicable on weekend. I am expecting this to attract huge 'mad rush' given that it is not often that things are 'free' and even more so in Singapore. The follow-up question is, if you arrived the office so early, what would you do? Some say it might end up working for longer hours, while others start doing planning for their days if they were to arrive early in office.

A few friends have been commenting that it is hard to say if Singapore has any sense of work-life balance at all. The working hours are rigid, rules are strict on staff flexibility with office hours. Perhaps that is an issue about 'value' and 'work ethnics'. One other friend in the past asked me how the UK survive if most of their shops close at 6 pm everyday? Interestingly, it happened and they have no problem with it. I guess gone are the days where the old Asian-type value about 'working hard' dominate what most would think as the determinant of success factor for an economy. There are always more than one way of doing the same things, and more so when considering different cultural backgrounds.

I only feel lucky with my situation in the UK, simply the fact that, I enjoy a healthy work-life balance, I am allowed to work from home and my boss would not doubt about 'what I do' at home. In fact, I choose my office hours, and can flexibly start my day, as long as I fulfilled my duty of 'teaching' and 'attending meetings'. Obviously, politics and others prevail (it is human that we are working with, right?), but there's another matter.

I am happy with the MRT service in Singapore despite previous episodes of delay and seems even more so increasingly. The only thing I complain is the lack of a day-ticket system (which can be understood as it would be costly and given the size of the population and the crowds, that perhaps won't be enough to make up for the loss of revenue from the day-ticket type scheme, which prevails in many cities already, such as London). Anyway, this inevitably affects plan and of course my 'work-life balance' each time I visit Singapore for short stay. But, there you go!

What makes a GREAT friendship?!

"There is a gentlemanly respect and tolerance between us, building on the mutual understandings accumulated over the years."

It's that time of the year where I should be planning for my trip home and getting in at the right time to book good bargain-hunting air-ticket. I inevitably think of my best friend in Singapore, FT. A colleague once said, as the more years you lived, the more you know it is impossible to establish new and lasting friendship with people you just knew, unless it's work or other social occasions, religiously related, family-related, etc. Anyway, this does not bother me very much, I count quality more important than quantity, and yes, less is more. I must have known FT for almost 20 years now. I knew him during my University day. As far as I can remember, that was towards the end of the final year, that I get closer to him, in term of talking about the future after University, etc. As we chat a bit more, I get to know more of FT. He seemed at times "let down" by friends by their seemingly mockery comments and that upset him. I thought perhaps he was quite sensitive, or perhaps his friends could have care a bit more about his feelings. I, however, can tell FT could be a little direct sometimes, but he means no harms and can be quite honest and willing to share his opinions. Once, seeing him again upset by his bunch of other friends again, I told him he can choose his friends no problem (not to imply that he should dump his other friends), just get on with it. I am not sure if it is because of that, our friendship gets better from then on.

It was FT who initially suggested that me and him to go sourcing for Overseas University Masters degree programs based in Singapore and to choose suitable one for us to help advance our career, as it seemed me and him also have a bit of problem on career progress at that time, when we are still at  early stage of working life. As it happens, things leading from one to another, I finally decided that I came to the UK to pursue my MBA in Leeds (rather than doing the distance program in Singapore). FT was not as lucky as me (as I got some financial loans from a good friend), so he didn't to follow me to come to the UK. However, I was not as lucky later as it turns out, since following my MBA completed in 1998, it was Asia Financial Crisis at its worst! I stayed behind to pursue my PhD until I completed it and started a full time academic career about 5 years ago.

FT, however, carried on with his life in Singapore, making every conscious effort to transform his career in the banking sector, as he was a civil servant initially for about 3 years. We kept in touch during my time in the UK, often using MSN to chat and communicate about just anything under the sun. FT later came to Nottingham University to do his MBA. We did visited each other as I was in Edinburgh at that time. After he returned to Singapore, his career progressed every well and I was really happy for him, working from bank to bank, with this role expanding from one to another, showing his increasingly important profile at work. He is currently heading a risk division in one foreign bank based in Singapore. He shared with me his experience on this latest role at work, not hiding from me that, behind all glamorous title holders in a bank, there is a always a dark (i.e., political) side, which I am sure, given his years of experiences, he will handle it well.

Thinking again about this friendship with FT and what makes it great (at least in my opinion, it is!), is that, I think we don't really have any expectation of each other. There is a gentlemanly respect and tolerance between us, that is built on the mutual understandings accumulated over the years. I remember when I visited him at Nottingham, he let me sleep on his bed, while he slept on the floor. In the morning, he tried to make scramble eggs for me, it didn't succeed, and we had a laugh. I still ate some of it. It's the thought that counts, and I appreciated a lot. Now each time when I was about to return back to UK, at the end of my holiday trip in Singapore, he would try to come to the airport to send me off, though sometimes he didn't make it, I still appreciated his thought.

I will always be thankful to FT, because without him, I probably won't see the importance of furthering my education. I probably would still be Singapore at this time and not even sure of my career progress. If FT gets closer to me, because I told him that he has to choose his friend, then I think I am very lucky. I like to think that he had chosen me as his friend. I am lucky. :D

Foothold

When I was not communicating with my inner world, I found myself losing on my foothold. No mater how well I deal with the outside world, "something" remains missing and it seems that the wider the gap expands, the more stress it adds on. However, the process of filling that gap is an interesting one and worth the effort to find that out.

I continue looking for the "flow" in my daily life, which is quite a challenge to do so in the first semester of the University's calender, as I came to realise that, the relatively heavier workload for this semester actually is the source that distort that "flow", so I must get that back. A little rule that I used to restore the flow is to make sure, amidst the busy schedules at work, I made sure I fulfil all of them in satisfying fashion of an acceptable quality based on my own standard.

Today, an incident while swimming reinforce the importance of 'communicating with my inner world' in me. Lately, swimming didn't feel quite well 'flown'. I had a bit of a "bad back" and that hurts when you try to catch the breath to float when you swam. I sorted that out a while back, by going back to my basic mediation technique, focusing on my breathing. Today's incident was a different one because I no longer has the 'bad back' problem. It was, however, I rushed to swim fast, and that lost all the fun for me, and more so when there was also another swimmer in the lane, and that urge me more. As I didn't quite feel my momentum like in my usual swim, I was urgent to want to move quick and it didn't work.

Then, I started to focus on my speed and pace and forgot about the other swimmer. As I found my "comfort zone", which was me swimming slower than normal, I stick to it. I go with the flow and let myself go slow, and when later it became clear that should be my foothold, I gripped it hard and I was in control, I began to swim in an acceptable pace, which gradually became faster and faster. I was amazed by this rather unique "self-discovery" experience which was a bit of a personal growth for me, and should have an impact on me, whenever I  looked into myself in my 'inner world', looking for that much needed foothold.

Silent Stress

Smooth and clean breathing drains out all the stress, little by little....

I didn't feel "quite well" for a while since the first semester began beginning of October. We all have what we meant by 'don't feel quite well'. For me, "not feeling well" is when I sense 'things don't flow'. When things flow, I feel good. For things to flow, I have to feel the 'good flow' mainly from the 'quality of the breathing'. This then brought me good vibes, which could easily feel and connect to it because it will be all around you in the air.

I came to the knowledge I was "under stress" after my chat with Kim, a student who came to see me during the 'meet the tutees' week. Kim is a Spanish student from Gibraltar, which happen still to be a British Colony. Kim rejoined Loughborough from Newcastle University. She told me she loved sport and wanted a different university's experience. I began to find Kim engaging, perhaps because of her interesting background. She grew up in a British Colony and being a foreigner, travelling this far, she would have to be even more adaptable than other students from the home country. When Kim told me she would be representing the university in the cross-country competition and would be training quite regularly. I cannot agree more. I told her constant training is not only good for the practise, but help her to become more organised. She can, for example, plan for her studies surrounding with her training schedules, so that she would have her studies in place.

I shared with her about the focus of exercise I did in my daily life. The importance of it lies in the fact that constant daily exercises, walking, swimming, etc, are like built-in stabiliser because this help drains out unnecessary stress in daily life. When I shared with her about that, and then when later I thought back, I actually found myself under stress, but not to my knowledge. How ironical is that! What an interesting way to find out that I am under stress. Stress is so silent! It didn't speak a word and it is creepy! I then realized, when I am under stress, the quality of breathing can't even be made better while swimming. It seems that smooth and clean breathing is a channel to drain out all the stress.

The breath in and breath out process eases some built-in stresses and help clear the mind to make it focused. It is also quite likely that when one was under stress, it lost out on its focus and it felt like 'all over the place' for most things and this only add-on to more stress. Surely, we cannot expect life to be a smooth sailing voyage. Ups and downs in life are good, as it gives us opportunity to re-charge, which helped us to become better and stronger and keeping up with life's frequently changing momentum.

Experimenting 'Less is more"

"Feel it. Experiment it. internalized it."

The following poem written by Leon Basin, was titled as 'Life with Tao and Zen"

Fight without fighting
Learn without learning
Experience with the experience
Worth trying
Worth feeling
Worth denying
And worth killin’
Ego that binds us
Do not erase it
Hold it from overtaking you
Simplicity of no words can describe on how to go about it...

I like this poem because in a similar way, it seems to be what 'less is more' is meant to be. i.e., without doing 'too much'. The use of words, "fight" versus "fighting"; "learn" versus "learning". The continuous tenses of those words appear to imply a sense of actions or activities, which is unnecessary because fighting and learning happen all the times in us. It just happens and it is the way it is.

Ego forms the source of all the "actions". The truth is, there needs not be any 'action" and also no need to erase the existence of those 'actions'. It would be just enough to simply 'hold it' and not being taken over by it. We just need to practice some awareness

And yes, we can try feeling, denying or even doing all we can to kill the egos, but we cannot 'forget' it or erase it because it is there. I think, like water, ego in us should flow, that is why it is still worth trying or be experimental about it to feel it for yourselves, that way you could make it useful/constructive for you. Have fun!