KM missed her mom the other day while listening to "O Holy Night" and had some emotional moments. I can understand it is Christmas festive periods where family members gather and have some nice time together, exchanging gifts, etc, so I can imagine how KM felt suddenly when mom was not around anymore. This Christmas I am still going to do some works, but when I am not doing my work, I sometimes thought about my grandma, who passed away for about 3 years now. My grandma adored me, and took care of me until I was 6 year old, I think and I was then brought back to live with my parents. I guess I was not too used to living with my parents, as I very quickly felt the tension in the family, especially those between my parents. I immediately sensed something was not quite right. I was very insecure, intense and rebellious at a young age. It is only coming to weekend I will be happy because I will be spending weekend at grandma's!!
Spending weekends with my grandma moved me away from my quarrelsome parents. Grandma was kind. Grandma would talk to me about how I had lived. I would help her with daily chores. The sort of relationship I could not imagine I would have with my mom. I often felt that was where I should belong and enjoyed the nice peaceful weekend here and felt happier. As I grew up and started working, I reduced my times spent with grandma over the weekends, but I still visited her. Her kindness still the same, concern and take care of me. Now as I came to think of it, what so special about her is that positivity in her mentality and the gesture of being kind just to anyone moved me. She became like an inspiration in that, some of her behavior began to affect me in the way I dealt with people. This influence will be with me forever.
The other night I dreamed of grandma. That must be the third time I dreamed of her this year. In my dream I saw grandma and she was happy. I was not sure if it was her that I saw, so I said, "is that you, grandma?", she still smiling and still happy, but she didn't say a word. Then I said, "okay why not I touch you and I will know if this is you". Then I use my finger and poke her arm. Gosh, it was real, I can feel the fresh of the skin. I said, "gosh, grandma this is true, you are grandma!" Next thing as far as I can remember, I opened my eye and I woke up.
That felt so magical and I told my mom about this and she told me grandma must have taken a flight to the UK to visit me and we were both glad that grandma was happy, wherever she was. As much as I felt grandma lived in my heart, I miss her sometimes, I miss her smile, that showed deep kindness and compassion, like a breath of fresh air. If you looked at her, you would feel the calmness and the peace in her and you would feel equally peaceful. I miss her, I want that magical moment in my dream again. Would Santa grant me this little wish of dreaming my grandma again on Christmas Day? Perhaps grandma would not be celebrating Christmas and would be busy, but as long as she is happy, I would be happy for her. :D
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