Some "friendships" just cannot be forced

"....but some could be so simple that you cannot believe it is happening.."

I had a nice chat with GG the other day on MSN. I have known GG for more than 10 years. I knew her in the third year of my working life while in Singapore. She was one of the Realtors in the company, always bringing clients around for flats viewing. She was friendly, willing to share opinion and open.  I like her because she didn't take herself too seriously and even laugh at herself, down to earth and genuine. GG is one of the very few friends I have known for more than 10 years. She felt exactly the same as more than 10 years back. Time has not changed her. We still talk about the up and down of the property markets and the effects of the economy.

As one aged with time, one becomes better at living with oneself. Probably you may have friends that already settled down with a family, but for you, you just "settled down with yourselves" if you don't have a young family. You also grow more likely to revise expectations about friendship as time gone by, as you become more open-minded and generous and also learn to take things easily. However, it could be harder. If you were younger, as you would tend to be tenderer and vulnerable, not having that friendship that potentially could be "further developed" (whatever that means to you) could be quite hurtful. It takes times for you to realize some friendships just cannot be forced. Some pains just need to let itself out slowly and being angry over it only aggravates matters. As I could remember, those experiences I had only challenge me to build up my composure and made me into a stronger person over time. One just needs to be very patient with oneself and remember to focus on what one have, and not what one doesn't have.

I have different expectation about friendship nowadays, and I treasure this one with GG. There is noting heavy in it. It's amazing how people can attract people, sometimes it could be so simple that you can't believe it is happening.  GG is such good fun. She is not one of those friends that if I didn't visit them when I am back in Singapore, they will take it to heart, though I know some will and make me feel guilty for a long time. GG and I chat on line only about 2 or 3 times a year. I met her maybe one every year or once every two years. She is one of those friends that, when we made jokes and laughed, I can laugh out loud until I cry, it gave me lots of belly pains, but it certainly worth it! We are happy the way it is with no further expectation of each other. Friendship, at this stage of my life, is nothing more than a good company and that matters to me. GG, you are everything that money can't buy! :D

Inspirations and Resolution

"....What your mindsets said...." 

Another day about to go by, then it will be the new year. How time flies! People look back their life this time of year, so what did you find? For me, I need inspiration so I can keep going and move forward. This forms the basis of my resolution for 2012. Here's my inspirations and resolution.
INSPIRATIONS

I was inspired by Tersesa Hsu and Ben Breedlove in the last quarter of 2011. I had also gone to "hell and heaven" at work in November 2011. These are opportunities, however,  for me to reflect and take a step back. and learnt about my strength, which are all good and useful experiences. I also learnt from others. I read about the life and death of Tersesa and Ben, both of which inspired me. Strangely, I see subtle similarities between what they encountered and faced, when compared to mine. I think if we can train ourselves to face whatever we encountered in our daily life like facing the last day of our life, maintaining peace and calm (which is attainable through meditation) we are going to do many great things (benefit self and others, obviously i am not there yet) while alive.

My decision to take up Meditation is one of the most important I made in recent years. This step forward opens up new doors for the cultivation of a better self. I knew about the Brahma Kumans Meditation locally and attended the entire full course. Basically this school of thought about meditation (yes, there are a few ways to meditate, each based on individual belief and philosophy) preaches the importance of a peaceful mind as that is where the purest soul supposed to be. This approach is interesting, because it has similarity with Buddhism in the way it preaches its belief, but it starts with the emphasis of a peaceful mind, while Buddhism may start by stressing the importance of being kind, compassion (the Buddha's quality) and then a bit later meditation, at least that is how I was taught back in my school's day. I didn't find this contradict with my Buddhistic belief (you have to attend the whole course to understand why) and I am finding constant practices of meditation has benefited me slowly.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

I didn't find myself practising meditations as much as I would like to. Meditation is not as easy as it seems, as it appears. The important question remains, are you convinced this is going to work for you? I guess I can see the importance of being a peaceful soul and also to develop it as a habit. However, you also want to make that a "good quality" habit. For example if we learnt to develop brushing our teeth before sleep every night as a habit, we still could brush our teeth the wrong way, that won't make it better. If we then develop meditation as a habit, we still could do it wrong. While, attending drop-in meditation sessions may be a way to help enhance and improve on our meditations, seeing the benefits it gives is also a good motivating force to drive one to continue meditating. So far, meditation appears to me like an anchor, just like the breathing technique suggested by Ross Harris's "The Happiness Trap".

Mediation gives me a space to be on my own and kept silent for at least 10 minutes a day, and then after that, I get on with my daily routines, and it did make me feel like the 10 minutes had helped me take things a little easy and focus as I carried out each and every task during the day. I supposed that is what meditation is meant to be, and perhaps if now I meditate a bit longer, the effect on my thoughts would be different? It will be interesting to find out. Meditation is empowering. I must change my mindset towards meditation to get the most of it, still making sure I take one step a time, hopefully that help me effectively dealing with the up and down of life  Happy and Fruitful New Year 2012 to all. :D

Not afraid of death anymore

 

 "..... Still I respect life....." 

Today is 18 year-old Ben Breedlove's funeral. Ben has become popular on the internet after he posted a video detailing his fear of death until he felt he has overcome it. He died on Christmas Day from a complications of hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (HCM), an abnormal thickening of the heart's walls, which he was suffering from. I watched his video (posted here). You can tell he no longer had fear over death. He was so calm and peaceful. Underlying his calmness are the the easy-going style and the courage he portrayed in the video. They appeared effortless and just flow, and unfolded itself through his facial expressions. Understanding how he suffered from the disease had not prompted him to take his own life, though he did admit tried "cheating deaths" a few times.

Ben showed a certain degree of respect to life, which is an understanding of what cannot be changed and how it finally made sense for him to be "inward looking" to develop strength from within, which is the peace and the calmness that he eventually developed to help him cope with the challenges of the disease. Ben's gesture of calmness and peace might be similar to preparing or "getting ready for death" (at least in the mental state). Yet, we all can be calm and peaceful in all aspects of our life, not just when facing death. Being calm and peaceful is a way to deal with uncertainties in life, job losses, relationship failure, etc. We are just not perfect and need to be constantly reminded about being calm and peaceful.

The calmness and the peacefulness of the mind are powerful because they act like firewalls, and  cultivating and building them from within one's self, could deter external "threats and harm", such that over times, it strengthened the highest level of one's spiritual self, and not easily to be defeated, even though the physical self may be invaded. May I wish Ben experience peace and calm wherever he goes.

High school's sweethearts are the sweetest

"..... Memory is the gift of time and is enough to bring a smile on your face ...."

I just watched "One Day", the movie about a couple who knew each other during their graduations' days in a potentially one-night stand situation, which both agree to just become friends. They agreed to keep in touch with each others and this lasted over a period of 20 years, which they met only one day a year throughout, due to their different locations.

You can imagine how hard this is going to be. However, given that both characters knew each other from their students' days at University, it became one of the "purest" relationships one would expect, and therefore the strongest to survive. Jim Sturgess played the main male lead role, Dexter while  Anne Hathaway played the main female lead role, Emma. Dexter was the one who travelled the world and enjoying affairs all over the places he went for work purpose. Over the years, both experienced changes in their life and they also met people along the way. There were little heartbreaks, but both still remain friends. What touches the heart is at the end, the movie gave a flash back on how they all get started knowing each others. You realized there was a very strong sense of friendships, making you believe whatever happened, both will be supportive of each others and never will that fade away and die.

"One Day" is a type of love story, purest in its own way, standing the test of time and distance all because both involved knew each other from their students' days. I had reviewed another similar movie, As good as it gets (see here). That movie told another type of love story. That was about baggage and personal issues that affected people way of communications. The couples in "One Day" has different issues, but it seemed "easier" when both knew each others from the students' days, because you will just trust it, not that you take it for granted. You gave it time and put efforts to see it worked out. You can also be open about it and share your views, express yourselves with trusts in the other person. I guess if one has baggage issue, things are perhaps just too much to take on, and even being open could easily make you lose your composure and hence affected the quality of the relationships, which sadly is quite a realistic issue these days.

A friend told me he knew of a couple who knew each other since 10 year old, but only re-connected after 40 years. Time never stops down, as it passed us by, it made changes in our perceptions of relationships with people.Someone whom you knew before, after many years may become strangely a "right person" when you re-connected again. Memory is the gift of time and is enough to bring a smile on your face and all those in the memory become the sweetest . And yes, if nothing else happened, you would still have the friendship and still, the sweetest! :D

Thank you for remembering me on Christmas

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." ~ William Ward

The early morning on Christmas Day was especially peaceful, even I could feel that. I have lived in the UK for over ten years across five cities. Each time I moved from one to another, I knew new people and kept in touch with the old ones, though this means we will become less close since we will be distance apart. Thanks to facebook for making it possible to chat and catch up with long distance friends. Some knew I am spending Christmas alone and have sent me Christmas card and KA called to wish me happy Christmas from Norfolk, where he spent this Christmas with his family. I also received a text from WF and his wife wishing me the same, in which I returned one.

A Chinese Visiting lecturer specially sent an email wish me Merry Christmas and told me a card is being sent on the way and hope I will receive in time for the festive season. That was a nice gesture. Kevin sent me a card too. I knew Kevin while I was at Aberdeen. He used to ask me out for a drink whenever he visited Aberdeen to see his parent. Meeting Kevin was really lucky. There was a gentlemanly distance and we appreciated that and enjoyed good engaging conversation, he was supportive and I do like his company.

I also cannot forget the Custom-made Christmas Card sent by KM, which he put some much thoughts on it and wickedly funny as well. I love it. I had not celebrated festive periods like Chinese New Year or Christmas for many, many years. It is not something you can do very much if you don't have a family, but I am increasingly finding myself used to this, which felt scary at first, but not anymore. I want to say a big thank you to the kind friends for the cards, text, calls, emails and greetings on facebook. You had made me feel having a Christmas Day, even if only once in every 365 days, is a BIG bonus. Thank you for remembering me. May 2012 brings you lots and lots of happiness! :D