It's the "thoughts" that (don't) "count"!

"Yes, what was I thinking? maybe they were just "thoughts"

I returned home yesterday to find my fridge/freezer not working anymore. Those frozen breads gone all soft and the fridge not very cool. I was a little "stressed". I can remember under normal situation, I would be "thinking a lot" over this matter and not letting it rest (because I just can't!). Now, however, is an interesting time to challenge myself to be more of an expert facing situation like this.

Let's "rewind" what happen at that instant. Well, upon knowing my fridge/freezer not working, my first thought was, oh no, another headache, what a shame, it has been going on so well so far. By that, I can tell I am more of a perfectionist and this is doing me no good. I also thought about calling the agency to report the matter last night. Then the next thing come to the mind was, perhaps the owner would not want to support this, or replaced a new one if there was a real fault in it. Anyway, that was last night, I went to bed still a bit affected by the matter, but I kind of feel still manageable, perhaps it was all a bit like thought lingering about my head.

This morning obviously the problem still remains, but I got on my day. I do my usual smoothie, get my dinner prep ready and then I call the agency to report the matter. Still have the "fear" what if they refuse to help. I mean you cannot discount the possibility for that to happen. Anyway, call them to report in the first instance. The agency was a bit sympathetic about it and I also appeared understanding, given the bank holiday period over the next few days. Therefore, I cannot expect too soon the problem to be fixed. But I did say I would like to hear from them by today. I got on my day after that feeling quite "sane" as I seemed able to "let the matter rest" as best as possible. I had further thoughts about this, well perhaps it is only money matter, getting another fridge if the owner refuses to do so. I could even suggest that I would pay additional £10 per month in "compensating" the owner for buying a new fridge, even though I shouldn't since it was in the contract the fridge is in fair condition and it is stated that it was provided, so it should be, but out of goodwill I am happy to put additional £10 more for that. Honestly, even with additional £10, I am still getting an above average good deal for the rental I paid. The whole feeling about the fridge/freezer seems died away itself and the whole matter became less gloomy.

It's strange how sometimes feeling can change at different times of the day or perhaps in different places. I guess the attitude to the matter and the subsequent possible effects are the main reasons for the change. I guess I used to view similar incidents a bit like "coming to the end of the road" and it could have "hard hit" effects. However, that could be just a thought and not what it could materialize. I learned from this incident that, taking one at a time and remain settled could help. At times, the breathing exercise that I had been practicing helps. It enhanced the "calmness" in the mind, which is important to deal with similar events or even worst events.

Looking forward to good productivity

" . Time waits for no man, but time waits for me..."

This is still the Easter holiday period for the University, and it also coincides with the National Easter holiday, so the University is closed and I was happy to stay at home for good Friday, the weekend and the bank holiday Monday. I had laid down few tasks last Thursday before retiring back at home, but yet to do any. This is actually a good thing. I probably mentioned before, but I was not very good at relaxing. However, I made some progress this time and I was happy about it. I took the baby steps. Time waits for no man, but time waits for me. Outrageous as it sounded, but it's true, and I am patient. Always wanted to feel all ready and prepared, and then I moved my next step. I know I am not that adventurous or spontaneous, but I am enjoying every minute of it.

Reflecting upon the last few days of "tasks". I can say I have decided upon the allocation of saving and how much to put in which saving accounts. I still need to think a bit about the MP AVC schemes from prudential. And today I found another alternative for my saving, i.e., the NS&I Premium bonds. This one is a prize draw. You won't earn any interest, but every month, you get to be picked as the lucky winner to win between £25 and £100000, and they are tax free. Perhaps I may put some in there to try my luck.

Today I also met up with my friend, AH in Nottingham for lunch. I gave him a treat this time, as AH was made redundant recently, but was determined to set up a simple business in his local market place based in "Long Eaton". We had a great time in this Chinese Restaurant, May Sum. It even serves chocolate fountain, and we had a fun time trying out different things with the chocolate, including Marsh Mellow. We went for a walk after that, and it was an eye opener, as I didn't quite know Nottingham. We walked around the busy shopping area and I then had an idea how the various streets were joined together. It now appeared it is a lot easier to get from one place to another than I originally thought. We even passed by the  City of Caves in Nottingham, which was really cool. I didn't know this exists at all, as the only thing legendary about Nottingham is Robin Hood.

Anyway I was quite full after the buffet lunch and fell asleep on the way back in the bus, and still felt full during dinner time and decided that I would just have some fruits.  As I began to think of my tasks for tomorrow, including the discussion of exam papers with WF, and some of the stuff I have to do for lecture notes preparation, I felt I will be able to do them at ease. I supposed  I have had "enough" when I "relaxed" since I was "focus", so the same should apply to the work as it is a "flow" that float around from one segment to another. I am really looking forward to see how this is going to have an impact on productivity, be it work or leisure :

Buying what you need or what you like?

"..this is hard, especially facing attractive bargains!"

I had never been this relaxed. I have been enjoying myself over the past few days. Finding myself on top of things and able to focus on doing light hearted stuff in an organized way, and not letting too much work stuff get in the way, which is unlike me, but it's a good thing. I am relaxing and I am also focused. At least I had tried and I achieved an acceptable level of mindset. So, today I carried on with my list of unfinished tasks following from yesterday. Well, now I am looking at bargains.

I collected quite a number of shopping vouchers of a few high street stores, amounting to more than £100. Among these vouchers I have, Tesco has the most creative way of appealing to the customer. You can actually exchange for 2 times the amount of vouchers you have on hand. For example, a £5 vouchers might qualify you to purchase something worth £10. I thought it's really brilliant. Obviously, Tesco restricts on the type of goods you can buy and also there is a deadline for doing so. I have about £15 worth of vouchers from Tesco and find that it might be worthwhile to get a new mobile phone. I have used my current one for about 4 years now, I think. I didn't feel I want a smart phone, but don't mind a new one with a QWERTY keypad, and also have some Internet usage. I found one known as T-mobile Unity Black, which I like, but found that I can only use £10 of my vouchers, instead of the total £15 I have. This means that I need to pay another £19 in top of that to pay for the price of £39.07. Then I remember I have some gift card worth about £20, but then didn't feel I want to use them, since the gift card has no expiry, and I can wait for more interesting offers later on.

I was struggling today because my vouchers have an expiry date and they must be spent within the next one year or so. Then I tried to look for other alternative T-mobile phones. I didn't find very many that suit my needs. At the end of it, I seriously asked myself do I really need another mobile phone afterall? Honestly, the current one is usable and what I really need is for my phone to be unlocked, so I can use SIM card if I visit Singapore next time. After some quick soul searching, I decided that I maybe will spend my vouchers on footwear. For example, sandal that I can wear in the flat or a watch, since my current one is not working anymore. I can go on without a watch, since the mobile phone has a timer too. Therefore I can wait, the watch is an option. Finally, I decided that I will go to Tesco tomorrow and look around for potential valued bargains and see how I would like to spend my vouchers.

If you like shopping, you probably confused what you like with what you need sometimes. However, if you like a bargain, just like me, it will be even more confusing, if you know what I meant. Well, let's just make sure we manage out finances well and not let it go out of hand too often, especially when facing bargains.

Marginal Tasking

".... If it concerns personal finances, take one step at a time, step by step and marginally, never go one step too far. Be ready and then you go, but plan early.."

It's the Easter weekend and this year there are two long weekends because Prince William is getting married next Friday. So, for most people, there are two weeks that you only work for about 2 days per week. It should not make any difference because this is also the University's Easter Holiday anyway. So, I made use of the relatively freer time to do some unfinished tasks I set to do. This is in line with what I considered to be the time that I "felt settled down". Since I got my double bed mattress, something I meant to get it sorted quite a while ago, I have been looking down the my list for others that need to get organized. This includes my personal finances. I have been looking at them closely, asking questions like, which bank account should I know allocate my saving to? what proportion of it? Should I consider a regular saving too? What about the MP AVC from prudential? should I consider that first before sorting out my saving plan?

I found these tasks increasingly become a chore the slower you get them sorted. You have to get them sorted as soon as you can, if not, you end up procrastinating them. I recently found a way to overcome that. I defined that as "Marginal tasking". This is a very simple method. What it requires of you is that, you need not sort things out all at once, give it a thought each time and do it bit by bit, and remember to follow up and eventually you will complete them. Today this is actually what I did. I plan this carefully, especially if this concerns your personal finance. For example, today I was not sure about what proportion of my saving should I put in a 3% online saver, should I put all or should I put lesser. I then find that what concerns me is the MP AVC scheme from Prudential. This is because I am not sure how much I want to put in that scheme. As MP AVC allows me to deduct my monthly contribution every month before tax, this affect your post tax disposable. However, I am also not sure about my financial commitment and urgency, etc, so if I put some amount in a 3% online easy access saver, and some in a fixed one year account, it may not be as sensible as it seems. Therefore, I am still thinking about this. I do feel like putting all 100% of my saving in the 3% online saver though. I feel "more secured" that way, though the interest will be lower than the fixed rate account.

I also planned to invest some in a regular saver. This will come out from the monthly post tax income, where the amount is dependent upon the amount I invest in the MP AVC scheme, which I guess I can decide a little later.At the end of my tasking for the day on this personal finances matter, I stated that my next task following on will be to read up the information about the MP AVC Scheme and what investment options they provide, and then sent email to the rep and ask for contact details if I am interested. I guess I really should not make decision too fast too soon, should be one step at a time, and the more the idea of "marginal tasking" rule applies. These are the things I spent part of my day thinking about. Saving in this case is a long term plan that has an effect on the final pension. I would rather be conservative and stable than being risky and taking one step too far. Sticking to the rule of living by the amount you get and be happy about it. I guess I can live with that, as long as it is stable and not too uncertain.

My double bed orthopaedic mattress

".... I am perhaps quite used to simple living, to the extent the meaning of "living standard" does not actually mean anything."

My double bed mattress arrived. This is really a "Big step" for me. I have moved to Loughborough for more than a year now, and have been sleeping on a thin but soft mattress. I was too lazy to get stuff sorted around the flat. One former colleagues told me it took her about one year to get settled down when she moved from Australia to Aberdeen. I guess for me, this felt like a time that I can consider myself "settled".

I did think for a while before I bought anything "bulky", just in case if I moved to another flat, be it rental or ownership of a new flat, I don't want to have too many baggage. Now I am more convinced that I probably will stay here for a while before I move again, so I go ahead to make some "bulky" purchases. Actually this should not matter. We can always ask mover company to help with the transport. However, I seem able to tolerate living with less. I am perhaps quite used to simple living, to the extent the meaning of "living standard" does not actually mean anything.

I had a chat with a good friend KA the other day. Like me, KA loves a bargain, but he understands the "quality" of life better than I do, and he knows when not to compromise on prices and when one should really just go for a bargain. He often shares with me what sort of stuff he considered as good quality and often proud to share with me his successful hunt. I really "seriously considered" the quality before I bought the double bed mattress. Now, I went for a double bed orthopaedic mattress. I did have a strange obsession to go for the bottom of the price for anything I buy. I need to remind myself time and again, I can live " a little better" and I still won't bankrupt. Perhaps that was a habit I picked up when I was little.

However, I didn't let this obsession affect me this time. For this orthopaedic mattress I bought, I could have just gone down to the bottom list of the price and get the cheapest, but I didn't. After some thoughts, I consider the quality and pay a bit more, and still a good bargain given it cost £99, compared to some on tescodirect for example, which could be as high as £120. This double bed mattress took up lesser spaces than I thought. It gives new opportunities to rearrange my room, and made me love it even more. I even tided up the little corner that I placed my baby laptop and bring in a huge stand-alone lamp from the living room and put it next to my mattress, so that I can read with the light on before I slept sometimes, without having to get up later and switch the lights off whenever I want to sleep. In any case, I felt "whole" again, as if I had cleared some of my "clutters".away.

There are a few things I should really get it sorted out, including personal finances and my pension. Purchasing this double bed mattress took one item off my list, and now I am looking down the list to clear some more......

What if I aim to be a professor one day

"... you need to know the game first!"

One of my hobbies these days was to surf the web for "role model". This is in relation to what I said the other day about "thinking out of the box". I came across something that kept me thinking for a while today. Honestly, it is not easy to find any professor of finance these days. What I find interesting is that, such career advancement in the academia do take into account the factor of "luck". You can really trace someone else research career by visiting their research website. Thanks to the fact that University needs to be as publicly available as possible for their profiles and especially research profile of their academic staff, for the interest of potential students who might like to enrol for a PhD studies, for example. Therefore, from such publicly available information, you do identify "role model". They might be academics of your similar research area with good list of publications.

Today I found a relevant "role model". He is a recently appointed professor of finance, who has a total of 18 publications in total since 2004. That was quite scary because this means that in 7 years, he achieved all that. Well, my first publication was published in 2005, imagine in 7 years, which will be in 2012, how many papers would I have published. Well, currently I have 5 publications with a potential 6th paper in the pipeline.

Looking at his list, you do find he collaborate a lot and is quite productive. He is specialised, but you know by the look at the title of his paper, what direction he is moving and the choice of the good (and right) direction help him to be productive, that is important. This is despite the fact of aiming for 4* journal, which unfortunately I didn't see any on his list (I have one 4* out of my 5 published so far, :D), the choice of topics is important.

I like the fact that, this "role model", like me, had a single-authored paper at the early stage of his career, and that was in "Journal of Empirical Finance", a good 3* journal. I also published one single-authored paper in a 3* journal. I hope it is this potential in him to conduct independent research that eventually lead him to devise successful strategy to manage his research. Perhaps he also used what I considered to be a simple strategy of maintaining an "equally weighted" research portfolio at all time?

Anyway, something that I can bring with me after reading my "role model" profile is the choice of an important research topic, that help you synergize with other people, and therefore more productive. This is good, my next phase of my research plan should focus on the "type of topics", apart from those already with the pipeline. And indeed, we should all "think out of the box".

Think out of the box

 " ...... those that matter the most are not those you see everyday at work"

 I am "inferior" only because this helps me to stay grounded and cool headed. We had our annual Research Away Day today and this year, the theme is for all of us to showcase our research speciality. We took turn to have our 5 minutes presentation and briefly present what we do. It was an eye-opener to see AV, AA and YS all were aiming quite high with some 4* journals in their pipeline. However, I am glad that LF (i.e., our boss) like my presentation. She was claiming that "oh Kai, that was so lovely" when I explained to those attended that my simple research strategy was to keep an "equally weighted" research portfolio. I was laughing all because she sounded so funny as well. I like LF I have to say.

Though I find the away day quite a fruitful event, in that I get to know what others do, I cannot help but felt a little "unsettled" for a while in that, I felt threatened that I might lose some competition a bit just simply because it appears AV, AA and YS seems to hit the so-called "mainstream" research in finance, while not so much of my case, that was the impression I gathered from chatting with WF. I then took a step back and thought what's the main driver in one's research. It's passion I am sure that drive all of us. It's hard if it is lacking of that, you just lose the will to do anything. Honestly, you do feel envy about others getting into 4* journal, but perhaps that is because it is about their "strategies" too? Then the next question is, what then is the best strategy or the most sustainable one. I guess, we win some and we lose some in the process. What matters most is we get what we want and we attained the outcome originally intended, implying that it worth our efforts invested and times spent. It's a battlefield out there, and you want to stay ahead of the game. Think out of the box, perhaps those that matter most are not those you see everyday at work. :D

Relax is a form of focus

"Yes, there is only one thing to do - relax."

You find spaces for relaxing when "a certain point in time" does not feel the same as "all other times". It has come to my attention that I need to find a way that is unique to me, and only me, that allow me to relax. I think the only barrier for me to relax is my "unsettling mind". However, today the "unsettling mind" was a bit sorted all because it has found its position and therefore able to "relax". The positions was found all because I followed strictly a routine with a list of tasks to be accomplished. This is not quite the same during the term time, where I will be busy with getting ready for students' lecture material on a Sunday's evening. Due to that, I found some "surplus" and in addition, as I was sticking with my list of tasks, I felt I was on top of things and therefore I am "relaxed".

However, my day continues to fill with up and down. The double-bed mattress that was promised to deliver didn't happen, luckily I took precaution by visiting the store while out shopping for groceries earlier and got  it confirmed. So I have to call the furniture shop tomorrow. I bought a pail with a mob and did my cleaning and felt proud about my effort. I was not "too bothered" for not finishing all the tasks I listed as I told myself, I can afford to take things a little slower since this is Easter holiday. I am also trying to enjoy the process. Again, This helped me to relax.

I can tell I am feeling relax, because I am focused when I relaxed, my mind was just on one thing - relax, and nothing else. I find that relax in a "focus" sort of way allow one to observe and see the inner activities or rather, the interaction with the external activities, with a bit of "going with the flow",just like a tap water, you relax and enjoy even more. It's a day of some quiet relaxations and enjoyments, with a day out under the lovely weather earlier in the day and now listening to "hereafter" while writing this post, how healing is that! NICE! :D

Hereafter

 "How do you deal with the lost of a loved one?"

"Hereafter" is another movie I watched recently. The story linked three different segments together, each involving some relations to the issue of death. This relation to death is different to that of "Norwegian Wood". It is the effect it has on people and how they cope with it based on the extent that death matters to them. Basically, this involves a segment on a young boy who lost his twin brother in an accident and how he missed him to the extent he sought out medium to communicate with him. The second segment is about a French journalist who was almost killed in a Tsunami and finally is about Matt Damon who is a reluctant psychic, who is often devastated by the truth behind the story of one's grieve for their loved one.

The story as it developed bring the main character in all three segments together. The French journalist got together with Matt Damon while the young boy with the help of Matt Damon finally communicated with his dead brother, who told him to "move on" and "get on with this life". I was quite moved especially by the little boy's longing for his dead brother, and even more felt so sorry for him, as he kept wearing the cap that belongs to his dead brother.

However, I was very drawn to the character of Matt Damon. I seemed able to relate to him a lot more. I cannot explain why. There's perhaps some sort of similarity, I supposed. He claimed the "gift" that he has, i.e., the ability to communicate with "the other world" is a "curse". It does not make him happier as a person, as he was often left devastated knowing the background and especially when communicating with the dead, as it is so sad. I like the fact that, he decided to leave United States, to go to London to visit the "Dickens's house" as Charles Dickens is his favourite author. This is like a form of de-cluttering I supposed. Moving away and breath helps clear his mind. As the movie ends, we saw him having a coffee with the French journalist. We don't know if his pain about the "curse" still haunt him, but we can tell it felt a bit of hope in the air for him. Obviously, living in the real world, I would have thought the "pain" will come to haunt him time and again. Perhaps you may not be affected by it, but it will still be there somewhere in your head, lingering about.

I downloaded the soundtracks of this movie from spotify. I totally love it. Most tracks sounded the same, but it uses different instruments. Each track time and again brought me back to the movie and reminded me about Matt Damon and his pain, and it relates to me in a strange sort of way and it heals me and my pains too. I played the tracks a lot and enjoy listening to them. Here's a sample of the track from YouTube.

The Beautiful "Norwegian Wood"

"The young, soft and tender hearts hurt the most, and the pains are most beautiful...."
 

"Norwegian wood" tells you about this and I think, it is also the main aim of the director to want to reflect in this movie. "Norwegian wood" is based on Haruki Murakami's novel of the same name. Haruki Murakami is a very famous Japanese writer, whose style is described by some to be more of a surrealist, who often demonstrates a sense of philosophical perspectives on some of life's most concerned subject matter. Yet his portray of characters feel so "fragmented". It needs your close attentions to follow through and understand them in the end. It not necessarily is like a Thriller. It is just like a journey of the characters, which can be just as unexpected as anything. In this movie, it revolves the issue around sex, love and death. It is about two friends grieving over the death of a friend close to both of them. It seems logical as set the age of the characters to be late teen early twenty. When it hurts, that age hurts the most, when it's pain, it's felt the most. To add a sense of eroticism to the movie, the story relates the hurt and pain of losing a friend to the sense of losing a sexual pleasure, which obviously means a lot to the characters, especially when there is love involved.

Watanabe and Naoko cannot get over the death of their dear friend, Kizuki who killed himself and passed away.Kizuki and Naoko were closer, and only Watanabe is a good friend to both of them. Only till after the death of Kizuki, Watanabe then know what Kizuki meant to Naoko, in their sexual relationship. Naoko felt the emptiness and no fulfilment. She felt the pleasure, but she can't feel the love, and the one she loved is no longer around. The truth is she can't feel the same pleasure from Kizuki. Sounded complicated, but realistic issues facing lots of people, I am sure. It's heart-breaking as Watanabe fell in love with Naoko, and both were also grieving over the death of Kizuki.

Watanabe was also romantically involved with Midori, one of his University mate. Watanabe is attracted to Midori, but admitted his love for Naoko and he was open to Midori about it. I kind of like the scene each time Watanabe and Midori were together. Midori is more witty and sharp, not as dark and depressed as Naoko. In the end, Naoko died too, and Watanabe was devastated. As is expected, in the end Naoko and Watanabe were get together as a couple, or at least is implied by the end of the movie.

A movie critic from the Telegraph claimed that the movie is a bit of a summary of Murakami’s book. I obviously didn't get to read the novel, but I am a little disappointed by the ending. I would have thought for a movie like this, the ending should be an open ending. One can only draw about one's life's philosophical thoughts when reflecting one's past. It is often good to move forward, like what the end of the movie had implied, but it reduced the depth of the story to some extent. However, it all makes sense, as the characters are in their late teens, and it is only natural they move on to the next phase of their life. Unless the movie is about "reflecting the past", which does not seem to be the case.
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I still like this movie for its attempt to breach the gap of grieving death, sexual pleasure and love. Another movie of a similar theme recently that I had watched is "love and other drugs", which I equally liked, but that was a lot more realistic and pragmatic, and with good acting too. I cannot compared both movie, as "Norwegian Wood" is restrained by Murakami's style, but "love and other drugs" is not. Perhaps next time I will compare the theme of "sex and love" in both movies, putting the author's styles in both books aside. That will be interesting.

Breathing is "healing"

 ".... it serves another purpose apart from keeping you alive"

I came back from Birmingham this evening, finishing my short but fruitful 3 days conference. I have email assess during this time and still able to receive messages from work colleagues. I received an email from AA yesterday about a feedback he was asked to give me about my recent application for merit awards. It kind of "stressed" me, as I am not sure how much more I need to change for this application. I know this is important and I want to do it right. I know myself, if something like this "stressed" me, then it will take up all of my time and unable me o be productive. Right in my mind, I now can easily relate to some techniques I recently learn from some books I read.

Yes, and I am talking about breath! do it 4 or 5 times, feeling the air enters and expand your body and later when you exhale, it tightens your abs and lower tummy. Observe the process. I didn't do this 4 or 5 times, I do it with music the background, and it lasted about 12 minutes.After that, that "stress" thought still lingering about your brains somewhere, but you have been able to get on with other work, so this has been helpful exercise for me.

I began to see why Ross Harris claimed Breathing has the effect of giving you an anchor. Like a ship withstanding a storm. In this case, it cannot stop the bad thought from lingering about, but at least, it helps you get on with daily life, which I had achieved it.

Life Time Achievement

"but, life goes on...."

I continue to network with people at the conference. The BAFA conference normally attracts academics in the UK and internationally in the area of accoutning and finance. You see familiar people all the times and  also some "new comers", who just entered the academia. What you also see is the increasingly obvious "three generations" among the academics. The conference normally award the "life time achievement" to established professors in their areas, recognising their contributions. Obviously, these academics mostly will retire soon and new blood will be injected. They are respectful in their own areas. I feel very humble comparing their achievements with mine. However, if you asked me if I would like to be granted with such an award one day,I won't say no, but I am also not really that bothered.

I was told MT was granted with such an award before in the past, but declined it. He is a very strong academic. He stick to what he believes in and not easily giving up. He also gave an excellent paper at this conference. It seems that there are some disagreements among the academics about each other work which is normal. This can sometimes affect the type of journal you get published. This is because people can reject your research simply because they can have a different "belief". This is not to say you are of "low qualty". MT might be a humble and modest man. I think, to some extent, it is also about self-esteem, i.e.,, the extent in which your recognised your own ability. This is because only if you recognise your own ability, will you let others to do so. Perhaps MT already passed that stage in his life about "getting recognised". But I guess we all can tolerate a bit of life imperfection and still live happily with it, as it really does not affect us. Knowledge acaquisiation is an process anyway. Achieving the life time achievement does not necessarily you stop working. You can still go on, supported by your passion in what you do. Life continues to feel "full of sunshine". :D

Life's a journey

 "But this is not a good one,...."
 
Taking the public transport in the UK can be quite an experience. Today I will be travelling to Birmingham for the "British Accounting and Finance" conference for 2 days. The journey is about 1 hour 10 minutes which include 15 minutes connection at Derby. I left my flat around 9 am to catch the 9.45 am train. Upon reaching the train station, I quickly pass the entry gate, but was told my train will be delayed because someone was hit by the train somewhere on the way to Loughborough. We cannot complain this as it is an accident, so I took a copy of metro and pluck my earphone and stand aside to read the paper and listen to the music from my ipod.

After a while, I began to see people rushing passed me all going in one direction to the other side of the platform, and then I realised, after delaying for about 15 minutes now, an alternative route to Birmingham, via Leicester is now arranged, so I quickly follow the crowd, dragging my luggage behind me. I got myself up the train, obviously a relatively crowded one and I can only got a seat near to the door, and I sat down. Then a man with his bike board the train and stood near to me. After the train start, the conductor comes around to check our ticket. That man with the bike asked him, "so can I get the train connecting in Leicester to London, or do I have to ride the bike straight to London". That was quite funny the way he said it, a bit of a helplessness in his tone and the conductor said to him, "it should be fine, but there might be delay, just check the departure screen".

It took me longer than usual to reach Leicester, as it stops a few stations, which I believe is to pick up passengers affected by the accident. When I reached the Leicester station, I look up the screen for departure to Birmingham, which it says 10.49 am, possible delay at 11.07 am. I looked at my watch, it was 10.30 am. This means I have to wait for another 50 minutes to get connected! I went to the waiting room, sat there and took out a book to read, and it was freezing cold! You began to hear people not happy and complaining among themselves and finally when it is about 11.07 am, I went out to the platform, only to see that it will be expected at 11.12 am!! I cannot believe this and finally, the train arrives! In the end, I was one hour late for my journey. Ah well, Life's a journey, but this is not a good one, be as less as possible, please! Fingers crossed!

disruption is not so bad

"If you know the difference between thought and feeling...."

After writing yesterday's post about "De-cluttering", I began to see the rationale for having a "to do" list everyday. I think this is just so that you don't pile up things too much to the extent they become your clutters. I remember I also talked about procrastination when facing a "to do" list before.  What if you had disruptions in the midst of doing your stuff. And yes it happened today. Unexpected popped up during the day and disrupt my "to do" list!

1) Disruption 1(D1) : Saw J-Lu in the kitchen encouraged her to go the away day next Monday and told her not necessarily to present the research, which I later found out not to be the case.

2) Disruption 2(D2) : Discuss my pension with RW and had a bit of thinking, which was not planned before hand.

D1 is silly and stupid all out of my instant "feeling". Told J-Lu about it and then later checked with LF, and found that she wanted all PhD students to present, so it is a no no, she HAS to present the research. I emailed back to J-Lu and told her about it, silly as I felt I was, apologize for the confusion and she replied to say she won't want to attend this time.

D2 is not as bad, except that as it is money matter concern, I thought I need some second opinion. I was very close to decide upon an AVC and/or MP AVC with prudential. As RW recently took out his MP AVC, since he is reaching about 55 year old soon, he is often happy to share with me his experience, which is all fine. It is just me needing some time to "sort" things out and clearly first before I decide to participate in either the AVC or MP AVC scheme or both. Still, it was unplanned and took some time away.

If "to-do" list helped one de-clutter, and enforcing focus, then Disruption challenges one to distinguish between thought and feeling. I find that  Richard Carlson's "you can be happy no matter what" is a good source to help you with that. It explains in details the difference among feeling, thought and emotion. More to come on this one, but I just highlight that, page 75 of his book, which he wrote "Understanding where our feelings come from allows us to use them as directional guide they were meant to be. If our internal experience of life isn't pleasant, we know we are creating our own misery via our own thought system." is helpful to me with regard to D1, as I was feeling silly about myself on that one. Yes, we only have ourselves to blame if we create our own misery. In addition, keeping oneself calm helps promote good thought system, which also cultivate good common sense. As Russ Harris's book suggests, breathing is good way to help to create calmness. All well, ends well, and the life will end well :D

De-cluttering

".... but what purpose does that serves?"

It seems that cluttering is one of the main hindrance for a minimalist's lifestyle. Cluttering stops you for having a very "clear" life, it's too crowded. We talked about this the other day, claiming that it might begin from your mindset. Your perception is the key, what gone through your mind feedback on your perception and affect your impression on things. A straightforward way to deal with this, is to be honest with how you feel, tracing on your feeling as to where it starts affect you, could help you to get down to the main problem. Often, and especially if you are the sensitive type person, you might not even be aware what actually affected you and your thinking.

What we see from our eyes affect our thinking, despite our level of intelligence, across the board, it affects everyone the same. Today, I thought I tried my hand at some "de-cluttering". Though I carelessly deleted 8 of my blog posts, I did cut down on the number of labels I have on my blog, that way the theme becomes more consolidated and I did felt "neater" after that, as I also updated some layouts of my blog, making it look a bit refreshing. I did find I experience some changes in my thinking after writing blog for a about a year. Therefore, these changes made reflected and represented me in a more realistic light.

What is the after effect of de-cluttering then? I think the purpose of de-cluttering as much as it might be an advocate from the minimalist's perspective, it is also a pre-condition for staying focus. I am slowly adapting some of the techniques I found in the books I read (by the way, I find it more productive reading a few books of a similar topic areas all at one time. It is a bit of a marginal reading. This means you read a bit of one book tonight, and then a few bits of another the following night, and so on. You find interesting similarities among them, and building together you can custom made a simple model for "self-help" for your own purpose). I am thinking, observing the breathing process is perhaps a good exercise to train your mind to stay focus. Russ Harris in his "The Happiness Trap" page 115, wrote this "Slow, deep breathing is important because it lower the level of tension in your body. It won't get rid of your feeling (either good or bad), but it will provide a center of calm within you....." For me, this center of calm helps you to say concentrated and focused on anything you want to get on.

There is a time for the mind to wander about and there is time for it to stay focus and work. De-cluttering helps create conditions for "focus" to take place, However, there is only a place and a time for one thing. Your thought should only be allocated to things one at a time. Unfortunately, I was not quite successful in this department today. I was thinking about work, while what I seemed to be doing was designing my blog, playing bubble, and then going out to the shop. I should really decide what is best and just go for it. Being indecisive on what to do and have the thought lingering about the mind is quite tiring and unproductive. I should really make full use of my time, make it better next time round.

Never Wrestle with a Pig

"... I can already relate to the title as I already identified a couple of "pigs" in my workplace."

This is a new book I bought today. The title, Never Wrestle with a Pig, is cool and I just only found out what it meant. Well, never fight with a pig because even if he won't win, he gets dirty, he is happy, but you would not. As they all say, we all have something new to learn everyday and I just had mine today. One might think where else would one apply such an idea? actually it's everyday life. This quote actually refers to certain type of people who never want to move on, refused to see the big picture and are just plain stubborn. This could be very hard-headed parents or strict headmaster. It's an addiction to them holding on to their thinking as they refuse to change. The truth is that they will extinct in no time, even if they don't they will increasingly become miserable.

Okay, so what is this book about? It's about your workplace. Have you ever come across people in the workplace who like to argue even on the slightest unimportant things? They just dragged you on and on, drained you down and down. So this is a book about how to behave so that every step is in the right direction to build your career or business

The tips from the book includes the following
* End your day on time
* People who say they can keep a secret usually can't
* It pays to overestimate your competition
* The best ideas cannot be stolen
* Know when to say "It's none of your business"
* Get paid for thinking rather than doing
* Time in front of the customer is the best time of all
* Be wary of unanimous agreement
* Not every budget deserves your respect
* Learn the art of picking up the check

Obviously it is up to the readers to interpret the message the author tries to convey in this book. I just had a chance to read two of the chapters. "Friends don't ask the impossible of their friends" and "Develop Genius for Friendship". These two chapters talk about friends in business/professional contact, what's the expectation and what's the consequences of outcome and how to deal with it. It also talks about how to build friendship, and what it means when "giving people favor".

I can already relate to the title as I already identified a couple of "pigs" in my workplace. WF told me dealing with those "pigs", one can only be as polite as possible, and hope that they get pass you as soon as possible.  Those "pigs" are not very active in research, but more in teaching and administration. They like argument in this sort of similar areas to prove and show their sheer importance and existence, but they are just not very value added. So I am sure this is the book that I will enjoy reading and finding it very useful. I will come back again in the future should there be interesting stuff to share. I can already see a chapter on "time management", a topic thousands talk about and with thousand ways to deal with. I am curious about the perspective of this author. Surely his style and his perceptions will make all the difference.

P/S: Oh I forget to tell you. This book costs me only £0.10, and which I got it from a Charity shop this afternoon, even cheaper than the £0.20 "happiness" book, all of good value and of course, good bargains. :D

The challenge of a Minimalist

"hmmm..... perhaps start from your mindset...". 

Minimalist is not the topic that I first mention. I had discussed this before. Indeed, a lots of other bloggers are mentioning this too. Thanks to my Dashboard, I have been able to keep updated about latest blogs written by other bloggers and read them and enjoying them. Interestingly, the other day I came across a blog entry about minimalism quotes. It just amazes me how the sort of thinking exists in the olden days, and in all forms. I especially like the quotes from Wu-Men, “If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things, then this is the best season of your life.”

This quote immediately put a smile on my face when I see the word "clouded". This was what I told my counsellor when I went to see one in my late teens. When he asked me why I went to see him and what I wanted to get out of the session. I told him, my mind was too crowded and it needed some spaces. I often try to rationalize and make sense out of what I told him and why I told him that at that time. One of the explanation was that I guess I want to keep things tidy and neat and therefore I also want my thought to be arrange in the same way. But, is there a relation to being a minimalist? I am actually beginning to see some similarities.

If one regard being a minimalist as getting rid of life's unnecessary baggage. If that begins with getting rid of unwanted stuff in your residence, for example, then it should all begin in the mind. Some thoughts are unwanted thoughts you can throw them away or simply put it in a safe place and not touch it. Interestingly, you can only do so by speaking about it or writing about it. And strange enough, writing blog has that effect on me sometimes. I begin to wonder if meditation, which supposedly is to help people to move away from thinking and focus more on observation, also help one to develop a less crowded (clouded) mind and moving closer to become a minimalist, based on my own theory as outline above. Interesting topic to worth further investigation!

When "being focused" is taken to the extreme...

".... you forget to return to the real world."

I finished watching "Perfume: The Story of a Murderer" from the BBC Iplayer tonight. This is not a new movie. It was shown in 2006. It's a different sort of Thriller movie, as you would expect with blood, murder and dead bodies. However, I like the story telling. It is stylish and it also subtly touched on the human side. I cannot help but develop empathy for the movie's main character, Jean-Baptiste Grenouille played by Ben Whishaw. because of his rough upbringing and how he survived in tough situations. He has a gifted sense of smell, which in the end motivated him to invent the most uniquely formatted perfume, and even to the extent of extracting and formatting perfume from unique human body odour, which means he needs to possess the whole body and how it leads to him going a step further.

It is rarely that movie relate human killing in this way. It is stylish because like all movies on human killing, which treats murder as a mean to an end, this movie shows the character's need for a unique smell, something that viewers can relate to. It is not like you kill human body part because you like to torture or you enjoy bloody gore. In a way, while the killing is brutal, the story telling was good. It is just a classic case of "being focused" is taken to the extreme, which develop quite naturally following the upbringing of this main character. You thought of him being nearly abandoned by his mother as soon as he was borne, and how he sold from one trader to another as slave, you almost forget this boy needs to find something he can identify or belong to. In fact, he has nothing, not even the slightest sense of freedom. That gift of smell in him saves him. He went after that, chased after it at all costs to pursue it. You just feel heartbroken at the look of Ben Whishaw in his portray of the character, showing much of the vulnerability and innocence, feeling all sorry for his destiny.

Dustin Hoffman who played the washed up perfumer, Giuseppe Baldini and who bought Ben Whishaw over from his master, taught the latter technique on perfume making. He told Ben Whishaw, "Talent is next to nothing, while experience, acquired in humanity and hard work, means everything". However, the obsession of the gifted sense of smell in Ben Whishaw drives him to the extreme to pursue further in finding the unique odour. As brutal and cruel as he may seem, he has tears in his eyes, when he realized how he accidentally put a young woman to death all because he wanted to possess her because of her odour. Unfortunately, his obsession has taken him so far that he just could not bring himself to love and be loved like most could. I just wonder how many of us are just the way like this, never mind if you are a murderer, as long as you let your secret obsession took over and when it went a little one step too far.

I give up fighting altogether!

"What an idea, giving up? what a disgrace! But it's a quite BIG thing to do, i.e., giving up. The underlying of giving up fighting is to simply, follow the flow"

Today I followed the flow in my ipod. ipod is an interesting invention. Firstly, the lazy technology simply resort to shuttling your songs as a mean of saying "it gives you different experience" as every time you shuttle your songs you gained different experience. The truth is, there is no technology on ipod to incorporate a choice option to pick songs, perhaps the later ipod, but not the earliest ipod, which is the one I used at the moment.

Thanks to the shuttle option, it allows me to "follow the flow". I normally walked to my office with my ipod shuttle on, and each time I had an expectation of the next song that is going to be played out and if it turned not the song I was expecting, I "fight" it by clicking on to the next song. People have the habit of loving things new and latest, so is my choice of songs, the latest the better, even you may put all new and old songs as BIG mix in the ipod shuttle.

This sort of "follow the flow" helped you build up "quality time" for that 20 minutes way to the office. Let the songs play and let the feeling associated with the song come naturally, remembering what the songs meant to you, and enjoy that unique moment of connection, it makes that beginning of the day a whole new experience.

The Secret of Breathing

 "... is for you to find out.."

This is correct. It sounds a bit silly, yes it's the commonsense way of breathing I am referring here. Let it take over. Well, don't we all breath, if not we would have all gone dead by now. Yes and that is also correct, but the secret of breathing is for you to find out. It's meditation I am talking about.

I attended a Buddhism talk recently. The speaker spoke about meditation and we had some simple practice in the session. I often felt I never really know about meditation as it is so "mysterious". The state of mind someone is in and the effect it has on the person continue to make me interested to want to know more. I then realize meditation is just a state of mind that you practice "awareness". It all begins with the breathing and the awareness of how it starts and how it ends, which over and over again it repeats. In the process of observing and aware of the whole process, your mind might run wild but, as the speaker in the Buddhism says, just remember to get back to the present, i.e., where you are, how you feel and how you breath too. All in all, it brings back your focus.

I have been trying this a few times, with some music on the background to make it interesting. The end effect for me is that, you find your breath becomes smoother after that, and more relaxed. You do regained certain degree of focus back. So, if before the meditation, if you have a few things in mind you wanted to do, but cannot make up your mind, then after the meditation, you could feel more sorted and easier to help yourselves get on with things. Yes you feel more "settled", your mind less "crowded", which is good because you just feel "all ready" for anything. At least before you sleep tonight, you are ready for the challenge tomorrow :D

"Happiness" is Cheap!

 "Yes and in fact, I just got one that cost me only 20 pence!"

Sunday is often a time that you feel "settled". It's a day you tend to do the washing, hoovering the flat, and get ready for the new week to come. So, Sunday's evening, after dinner time is the best time of the week. Normally, one of those "to do" list on my plate will be preparing for lecture, which I don't have to do this time as there is a 4-week Easter breaks ahead of me. Today is therefore relatively relaxed. I went for my swim as usual and then went to the public library and found a surprise book sales, all at 20 pence. I had a quick browse and found a book titled, "You can be Happy No Matter What" and I bought it.

This book is an easy-read. Perhaps it looks like another "self-help" book, but more importantly, I am interested to see what sort of "happiness" that this book is making out of. Honestly, who needs another self-help book when all that people talk about these days are "happiness" and "mindfulness". There's loads of similar stuff around and they keep on repeating.

I had a couple of other similar "self-help" book of this sort. They all central around the "happiness" issues. One of them talk about using the "mindfulness" technique, the other more creatively, taking the standpoint of "Time Management" to see how proper use of meaningful time can have "happiness" moment. When there are too many books written on the same issue, don't you think such "happiness" topic is becoming very cheap. Indeed, I just bought one that cost only 20 pence! Still, I guess it is interesting to read them and be aware of the style these authors adopt. Each of them see it from different angles, and similar ideas go round and round, each reinforces the other and when it reaches you, it just helped you gain a different perspective altogether and allow you to have your own conclusion about "happiness". If you know how to read a self-help book properly, you could end up gaining a lot more from them than most do! :D